Posted 22 Jul 2020
Post By : Neville
Forgivness is a must !
Forgiveness releases hurt, heals emotional pain, and removes toxic emotions by cleansing our heart and freeing our soul.
Knowing the detrimental results of unforgiveness and the wonderful peace of forgiveness makes the choice a no-brainer!
“But I Can’t Control My Feelings!”
You may say, “I can’t control my feelings”—and this might be true. However, you can control your thoughts, and your thoughts control your feelings.
Although forgivness is one of the hardest things to do, forgiveness is essential to the Christian faith; and one of the most important lessons we must learn.
Where do I Start?
Step 1: Ask Christ to help you
Yahushua said in Mark 7:15-16, “There is nothing that enters a man from outside which can defile him; but the things which come out of him, those are the things that defile a man.Unforgivness comes from within, as such it will difile you.
Yahushua also said in Luke 11:9, “So I say to you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.
- Ask God to reveal any unforgiveness in your heart.
- Ask God to forgive you for harbouring bad feelings.
- Ask God to renew your heart and give you a right spirit and perception.
- Ask God for His forgiveness toward you.
Step 2: Examine Your Heart
James 1: 23-25 For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man observing his natural face in a mirror; for he observes himself, goes away, and immediately forgets what kind of man he was. But he who looks into the perfect law of liberty and continues in it, and is not a forgetful hearer but a doer of the work, this one will be blessed in what he does.
Examine your heart to get an assessment of who you need to forgive.
- Are you bitter towards someone?
- Are you harbouring resentment against someone from your past?
- Does the memory of the hurt and pain overwhelm you again and again?
- Does anxiety erode your mind as events play over and over?
Write down the names of the persons you have had to forgive for hurting you in some way over your lifetime.
- Ask God to help you answer the questions below (examining your heart) honestly.
What type of offense was it?
a) a one-time offense, or
b) something ongoing (opening the wound over and over).
Did you forgive them?
a) yes.
b) no.
c) I’m not sure.
d) I’m trying.
e) I’m waiting for an apology.
Did you pray about the situation?
a) yes.
b) no.
Did you pray for the person? (in a positive manner; praying vengeance doesn’t count)
a) yes.
b) no.
Do you find yourself having to forgive over and over?
a) yes.
b) no.
c) I’m holding a grudge.
How often do you think of the hurtful instance?
a) hourly
b) daily.
c) weekly
d) monthly
e) annually
f) never.
How much time have you invested in replaying the story of what was done to you?
a) an hour or less.
b) several hours.
c) over the years, dozens of hours.
d) I’m not sure.
In what frame do you think about it?
a) lesson learned the hard way. b) pain and agony.
c) opportunity for spiritual growth.
How do feel when you think of the situation now?
a) peaceful.
b) anxious, angry and depressed.
Step 3. Choose to Forgive
Forgiveness is not saying that you weren’t hurt or that the event was fair. It is not finding a redeeming quality to make the person worth forgiving. Forgiveness is an emotional choice you make to give the person over to God and allow Him to handle the situation.
Yahushua said in Matthew 5:7 Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. If the person you need to forgive is not alive or is unapproachable, your forgiveness will be a work in your heart. Allow the Holy Spirit do His healing work.
If the person you need to forgive is alive and approachable, you need to take action:
- Address the situation. Acknowledge something is wrong and needs to be fixed.
- Discuss where the relationship veered off course and what wrongs may have been committed.
- Apologize. Accept responsibility for your actions and seek forgiveness.
- Do not accuse, or blame, or defend. The goal is to reconcile, not argue.
- Allow the Holy Spirit do His healing work.
- Ask, “What can I do to correct this problem?” Be willing to do what is requested.
- Invest your time, energy, and love in restoring the relationship.
What if They Aren’t Willing to Forgive You?
Firstly, have you sincerely apologised? If so, you don't need to keep asking for forgiveness? You don't need to beg? If they say they forgive you but continue to bring up the problem or the sin, you don't need to get angry because they didn’t forgive you? This can be a vicious cycle, resulting in a serious circle of bitterness.
Here are the steps for you to take:
- Forgive them for not forgiving you. Pray that God will open their eyes and their heart.
- Be patient. Recognise that you have no direct control over the other’s thinking, feeling or behavior. It is natural and human to feel offended, mad and resentful when you try to mend differences and the other person won’t respond. This may be something you will have to give to God daily.
- Let it go. Don’t continue to apologise, as long as you have done so sincerely. Don’t play it over in your mind; it only stirs up anger. Find it in yourself to demonstrate love, concern, and the desire to improve the relationship.
- Focus on God’s perfect forgiveness. Psalm 103:12 says It is possible for the Lord to look at us without seeing our sins because when he forgave us, he removed our sins as far as the east is from the west.
Step 4. Take Every Thought Captive
You can do this through prayer, focusing on God’s forgiveness, and focusing on God’s Word.
- Pray: When Satan attempts to seduce you into scheming revenge, ask God to help you take the thought captive by praying for God to fill you with His love. Do not let pride destroy your destiny in God. Unforgiveness will destroy our physical health and psychological well-being.
- Focus on God’s Forgiveness: As soon as you are tempted to replay the offense in your mind or to plot revenge, stop and focus on the things God has forgiven in your life. It’s a humbling step. When I recall the depth of grace and mercy God has shown me, it’s hard to focus on their sins.
- Focus on God’s Word: Read the story of Joseph (Genesis 37-45), the story of the prodigal son (Luke 15: 11–32), and the parable of the debt (Matthew 18:23–32). Memorize any or all of the verses below:
Ephesians 4:32 – And be ye kind one to another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.
2 Corinthians 5:5-7 If anyone has caused grief, he has not so much grieved me as he has grieved all of you to some extent—not to put it too severely. The punishment inflicted on him by the majority is sufficient. Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow.
Step 5. Continue to Forgive
God forgives perfectly and forever. Since we are His children, we can do the same.
Psalm 103:11,12– For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
How many times should I forgive?
Peter asked Yahushua how many times he should forgive his brother. Peter thought maybe seven times might be a fair limit. But Yahushua said, “seventy times seven” (Matthew 18:21-22). Of course, Yahushua didn’t mean literally 490 times, but rather that the number of times are not to be counted.
